Sooooo this is an extremely personal, un-humorous blog post. I completely expose myself and lay it all out on the line. Please be considerate while reading this. I would love to hear your comments and suggestions afterwards :)
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As many of you know, I belong to the Mormon religion. The growth experienced in our church is because of the missionaries, which are young men who are sent out at age 19. They serve in the U.S. or in a foreign country for two years.
LDS missionaries. Maybe you've seen them around? :)
The famous name tag that every missionary wears.
On another note, every year we congregate as a church semiannually for "General Conference". Here our church leaders give talks to lead us as a church and they also give important church news updates, policy changes, etc. Needless to say, it's a BIG DEAL.
This is a picture of the inside of the Conference Center.
I love going to Salt Lake and hearing the beautiful talks, music, and feeling the Spirit. Anyway, so this past weekend was conference, and there was a huuuuuuge policy change. Young men can serve missions at age 18 now instead of 19, and young women can serve at 19 instead of 21.
What?!!!!
When the prophet announced this, all the air was sucked out of the room. Everyone was FA-REAKING out. I almost died in my chair. I was having a HUGE identity crisis… Let me tell you why.
I was raised in the church, however it was not taught in my home. Up until I was about 19, I didn't know very much of the history of my religion (i.e. Joseph Smith, the Bible, etc.) So, I wanted to go on a mission to further enhance my knowledge of the church and show Heavenly Father that I love Him, and I want to share His gospel with everyone. I have a strong testimony. I had to find my testimony at a very early age, and through trials in my life (and in my home life) I have been able to grow very close to my Father in Heaven.
I really, REALLY wanted to serve a mission. However I met the man of my dreams, fell in love, and got married instead. Do I regret getting married instead of going on a mission? Of course not. That thought has never crossed my mind. Although when the prophet announced that the missionary age is changing to 19, some thoughts crossed through my mind….
Am I good enough? Does the Lord not love me as much as those who have served on missions? Is my testimony strong enough? Am I competent in my knowledge of the teachings of the church? Am I not enough because I haven't helped as much in building the church?
But mostly I was freaking out because…
AM I ENOUGH? DOES HEAVENLY FATHER STILL LOVE ME?
I think there is a silent stigma among members that came out that day: women who get married and don't serve a mission aren't as good as those who served missions.
Or at least, that's how I felt. No, I didn't serve a mission. No, I didn't have that amazing experience and bring many people to the gospel and knowledge of Jesus Christ. However, I still have a TESTIMONY.
In my institute religion class on Monday, someone made the comment along the lines of… "As mothers, our generation is going to raise children in a very turbulent time. I think that we are going to need that testimony that you can only get from a mission".
Um. What? Excuse me?
Well, after bawling my eyes out the ENTIRE weekend, I may have cried for a little longer after that comment. Even though I disagree with that statement, it still shook me. I know that God loves me as much as the next guy, and that He loves me as much as those who have served missions.
So…. after much praying and soul-searching I know that I am loved and I am enough.
Although… for those of you who are LDS, please be considerate and don't look down upon those who haven't served missions. We have just as strong of a testimony. God loves us just as much. We are important, competent, and worthwhile. So please watch what you say because you never know who's toes you might be stepping on.
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Let me know what you think! Please leave comments, questions, or feel free to email me at linds.farrer@gmail.com :)
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